Self Reflections
by AshTonks
Summary: The Mirror of Erised hid in Hogwarts castle for many years. So what happens when four famously unruly boys stumble upon it? Does finding out the truth about themselves make them better? Or bitter? This is a Marauder one-shot adventure.


_**A/N:**_ PLEASE READ THIS FIRST! This fic is split into four sections, one from each Marauder's point of view, so stay sharp. I had this idea while writing another fic and it just wouldn't let go. So now I've got it down, maybe I can move forward on some others, ha ha. Honestly, I really enjoyed writing this because the Marauders are just so much fun. Exploring each character brings to light different aspects of their story and their friendship.

This one-shot is set at an uncertain time for the four, as they prepare to move from school-age pranksters to grown-ups into their real Wizarding world (which by the way is begining to experience the First Wizarding War at this time). The Mirror shows the heart's desires, and each has to deal with what he finds and all the doubts and fears that come with the revelations. In each of the four sections, the final though/worry that really strikes the character is bolded for emphasis on the impact that it has on them. Please enjoy!

...

As seventh years, the Marauders had discovered nearly every secret the castle of Hogwarts had to offer. So it was quite by accident that Sirius stumbled upon their neatest find in nearly a year. He ducked into an empty room on the fourth floor to avoid Peeves, the poltergeist who was currently chucking dungbombs and threatening to tell a teacher Sirius was out of bed. Out of experience, he'd avoided the little bugger easily, but he knew he had to stay out of the hallway for a while. No one needed to know Sirius had snuck down to the Slytherin common room and planted an irritable bunch of bowtruckles in the suit of armor nearest the door.

Looking around himself, Sirius noticed the room was empty other than a few broken desks and a tall, ornate mirror. Never passing up a chance to admire his own reflection for a moment, Sirius quietly strode over to the odd mirror. He first noticed a peculiar inscription at the top, one he couldn't understand. _Must be some other language_, he mused.

Finally, he let his gaze fall to the mirror itself and he started a little. James, Remus, and Peter were right behind him, smiling. He whipped around whispering, "You lot didn't follow me out of the common room. How did you find me?" But there was no one there. Confused, he looked at the mirror again. They were definitely right there with him. _The cloak! This mirror must be able to see through it, _he thought, excited at the revelation.

Grinning impishly, he swung around and reached out to snatch the cloak off his devious friends. However, his hand met only air. Reaching further and listening hard for any movement, he realized there was no one there.

"Prongs? Moony?" He pulled his wand and muttered, "_Homenum revelio._" Nothing. He was completely alone in the room.

He looked back at the mirror, closer this time. They were still there. The four of them were standing together, Sirius' arms draped over his friends. But something was different. They looked... older. Not much, but perceptible enough to puzzle Sirius as he studied the evidence. Then he noticed that they were wearing Auror robes. Sirius nearly crowed with excitement. Was this the future? Sure, he and James had talked about becoming Aurors many times, but given the reputation of his last name and his tendency to get into trouble, Sirius had sort of given up on the idea.

And Peter? Wormtail had expressed no interest whatsoever in the plan. Prongs could probably have talked him into it, but at this point Wormy had already failed two of the required courses. Maybe he would be able to take them again or make them up somehow.

But what about Remus? Would Remus be allowed to become an Auror? Merlin, he hoped so, but Moony always seemed so skeptical. In fifth year, when he and Prongs had suggested the idea that they all become Aurors to fight in the war that seemed to be rising, Moony had immediately proclaimed it the stupidest idea he'd heard from them yet. He'd laid out all his typical reasons why no one would ever hire someone with his 'problem' and the night had ended with James and Sirius once again berating him for giving up without giving something a chance.

Anyhow, Sirius had dropped the idea. But now here it was, clear as day before him. The four Marauders standing side-by-side, looking braver and closer than ever.

As of late, the impending end of the Marauders bugged Sirius to no end. He tried to convince himself that leaving Hogwarts wouldn't hurt their friendship, but he couldn't shake the nagging feeling that things were going to change drastically after the end of the year. He worried that without the constant time spent together, the Marauders might fall apart like so many other groups of friends seemed to do.

But they wouldn't. They couldn't.

_**The four of them were closer than brothers, completely inseparable. ******__Nothing _would ever come between them or keep them apart... Right?

If this was the future, it would be amazing. Sirius was grinning from ear to ear, imagining the fun they would have, missions together every day, catching dark wizards and maybe even fighting the group of people now styling themselves as 'Death Eaters'. It would be a never-ending adventure.

_They have got to see this,_ he thought, chuckling.

...

Remus was intensely irritable at being drug out of bed. Sirius was loudly proclaiming that he'd found something astonishing that they had to see immediately. Something about a fortune telling mirror.

"Sirius, you were probably dreaming. Go back to sleep," Remus muttered, lying down on his four-poster. He wasn't sure Peter had even woken, and he'd seen James merely glare and roll over, pulling his pillow over his head.

"Oh, come on!" Sirius cried. "It's wicked! You're going to be really glad you saw it. Please?" He grabbed Remus by the wrist and pulled him back up, looking around at the other two. Peter sat up reluctantly, looking over at James.

"It's three in the morning, Padfoot," James' pillow-muffled voice called without him moving. "Sod off."

As if James had given him permission to refuse, Peter shrugged at Sirius and lay back down, closing his curtains.

_Thank Merlin, _Remus sighed to himself, attempting to go back to sleep.

"Moons, you'll come, right?" Sirius pouted.

Remus groaned. There was no way out now, Sirius would sulk for days if he said no. "Fine," he muttered, allowing himself to be dragged downstairs and out the portrait hole.

"Why didn't you grab the bloody cloak?" Remus complained as they finally snuck up to the fourth floor classroom. "If we get caught, I'll..."

"Oh, shut up, Moony," Sirius prodded. "We won't get caught, and it's really neat." Pushing open the door to the empty classroom, he shoved Remus inside and quietly pulled the door shut.

"Pads, there's nothing here," Remus groaned and rubbed his eyes as he looked around the unused room. Then his eyes fell on a standing mirror in the corner. "What's so special about this stupid mirror?" he asked, confused.

Sirius pulled him by the elbow over to the mirror and began chattering away like he always did when he got over-excited. "Look in! It's us, but we're older and we're Aurors. I don't get it. And there's some weird writing up there."

"Sirius, this is just our reflection," Remus replied irritably as the two stood in front of the mirror. If he had been drug all the way down here just to see his reflection in a mirror...

Sirius looked confused. "It was us, I swear. All four of us."

Remus rolled his eyes, "I think you just need sleep."

"No!" he insisted as Remus started to walk away. Then he shouted, "Look! There it is! Come back!"

Remus walked back and looked again, seeing only a very confused Sirius and a sleepy, exasperated version of himself. "There's nothing there, Padfoot."

"It was there when you moved," Sirius cried petulantly, pulling Remus in front of the mirror and stepping out of the way. "Do you see it now?"

Remus stared as the image in the mirror changed. It was indeed himself and his three friends, but they were no older. They were all simply standing around in a hallway and laughing. His own reflection wasn't even looking at him. "I can see us all," he said absentmindedly, "but it's just us. As we are now..." He stopped.

Sirius began to prattle on about having seen them as Aurors again, but Remus wasn't listening. He'd noticed something different that he hadn't seen at first. _He_ was different. He couldn't put his finger on it. Then the likeness of himself turned to look straight forward and he nearly gasped as he stepped closer.

His scars were gone. His face and arms were completely clear. He watched as the four boys in the mirror joked and laughed with ease. Out the window of the hallway, he noticed the moon.

It was full. But... but he hadn't transformed...

"Moony?" Sirius stepped forward and shook Remus' shoulder, pulling his attention from the mirror as the image faded. "What's wrong, mate?"

"Nothing..." Remus managed to say while his brain tried to figure out what he'd just seen.

"What did you see?" Sirius prodded.

"Just us. The Marauders. We were standing around laughing at something," he replied.

"That's odd. Why would you see something different?" Sirius mused.

Remus wasn't really listening. He was trying to figure out how this mirror worked. What was it showing? Certainly not the future, as Sirius suggested, for he'd seen them as they were now. Not to mention that there was no cure for lycanthropy and there never would be. Would there? An alternate reality? Another possible path for their lives? He examined the mirror itself and noticed the inscription at the top.

"Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi..." he muttered.

"What do you think it means?" Sirius interjected. "Is it an incantation? Another language, like Goblin, or something?"

"It seems too long to be an acceptable incantation, but I think..." he paused a moment, thinking. The unfinished sentence clearly irritated Sirius, because he started tapping his foot. Remus blocked him out for a moment, and thought. "It's just backwards."

"What?" Sirius looked up at the inscription and tried to read it backwards.

"It's just reversed, like if you tried to read it through a mirror. You have to split the words in different places, but it says 'I show not your face but your heart's desire.'"

"What does that rubbish mean?"

Remus had understood immediately. Piecing together the words and what he saw in the mirror, he revealed what he concluded. "It apparently shows you something that you really want. Probably whatever it is you want more than anything."

"Like the four of us becoming Aurors together and having adventures forever?" Sirius smirked, laughing at himself. "That makes sense. We both want the Marauders to stay together, I guess."

Remus faked a little laugh and a smile, but he couldn't get the figure from the mirror off his mind. The mirror's version of him looked so happy, so carefree. Remus was becoming less and less able to laugh freely as they reached the end of their years at Hogwarts. Here, he'd had a mostly normal life and blended in. He'd been sheltered by the professors and his friends. Treated as an equal. Especially, Professor Dumbledore had been a constant support since Remus had come to Hogwarts.

But very soon, Remus would be out in real wizarding society, and he knew it wouldn't be the same. He would face the prejudices and injustices that he'd always feared without anyone's protection to hide behind. No one would be there to justify his existence in the world. He knew not many werewolves had steady jobs, if any had jobs at all. His future was so uncertain that it sometimes ate away at him.

"Come on, Moons," Sirius patted him on the shoulder. "I bet Prongs and Wormtail will want to see it now that we know what it does."

"Yeah," he muttered as he followed Sirius from the room. He glanced back at the mirror, and something Professor Dumbledore had told him once, after a nearly disastrous incident involving Remus' lycanthropy, ran through his head.

'_It doesn't do to dwell on what might have been and lose sight of what can be.' _

Imagining the way his life may have been if he'd never been bitten would not help Remus to deal with what was to come. Though he wanted to look in the mirror again, he resisted. It would only keep him mulling over impossibilities.

_**He resolved in that moment that would make something of himself as he was. ******__He _was determined to overcome the prejudices that threatened to hold him back. He would give his existence a purpose, do something vital with his life so that no one could tell him he didn't belong. He swore to.

With a deep breath, he followed his friend out and shut the door.

...

"There's really a magic mirror?" James laughed as he tucked in to his breakfast. "I thought you dreamed it up, mate." The four friends sat at the Gryffindor table early the next morning as Sirius forced Remus to corroborate the incredibility of his discovery.

"I'm not a liar," Sirius sulked, popping a piece of toast in his mouth.

"So what does it do? It shows the future? When can we go see it?" James asked, eager to observe it for himself.

"Told you~," Sirius nearly sang as he smirked at Remus, all thoughts of his pouting instantly gone. He turned back to James. "It's not the future, though. It's got something to do with what you want most. We could always go now. We may miss Charms, but..." he shrugged noncommittally.

"I really don't think it's anything to skip class over," Remus insisted. "We're only a month into the school year, I'm a Prefect, and you're supposed to be Head Boy, James. Besides, we all have a free period before lunch. Why can't we wait until then?"

James nodded, knowing Remus was right. They shouldn't start off getting into major trouble so early in the year. He and Sirius had already had detention three times, and Professor McGonagall had chided him twice about taking his responsibilities more seriously.

"I really shouldn't miss Charms," Peter piped up. "If I don't get that Banishing Charm down, there's no way I'll scrap even an Acceptable in NEWT level Charms."

"Don't panic over it," Remus told Peter. "You just need practice. Like using it to shove Sirius in the lake."

"Bugger off," Sirius shot good-naturedly. "Fine. We'll _wait_," he said the word as if it was repulsive.

James had to laugh. Sirius had never had much patience. If something was going to be done or seen, he always felt it should happen immediately. The intrigue of the mirror would make these the longest two classes of James' life as well, but he supposed he could survive. And it would be amusing to watch Sirius squirm in his seat all morning.

He passed the class time speculating on what he might see when he looked at himself in the mirror. The friends together as Sirius and Remus had? Himself as a professional Quidditch player? Probably the latter. Or maybe both. He laughed a little at the idea of the Marauders all playing Quidditch together professionally. He loved his friends, but Remus and Peter were rubbish on brooms and both much happier on the ground. Sirius didn't have the attention span for a full Quidditch game.

So it was with several different ideas running through James' brain that the four finally snuck away to see this mirror. They reached the door to the classroom quickly and ducked inside.

"It only works if you stand in front of it alone," Remus supplied. "When both of us stood there, it just showed our reflections."

"We shouldn't be on this hallway," Peter commented nervously.

"Why don't Remus and I stand watch?" Sirius offered. "We've seen it already."

"Good idea," James replied. It was better to know there would be no possibility of getting in trouble. Sirius and Remus stepped out of the room, and he and Peter tentatively walked over to the mirror in the corner. "You want to go first, Wormy?" James suggested to his friend.

"No," Peter smirked. "I still get the feeling this is a trick of Padfoot's and Moony just doesn't want to be the only one he got with it. You go first."

"Oh, nice," James joked. "Use me as a tester." He laughed as he walked over to the mirror and peered in, confident of what he would see. A bright future for himself and his friends. Quidditch involved in some way, of course.

But he was brought up short. He saw an older version of himself, but there were no trophies, no broomsticks. He wasn't a star or a hero. He wasn't surrounded by his friends. But he wasn't alone either.

Before him stood a figure of himself and a girl whose face he'd memorized years ago. Lily Evans. His breath caught as her green eyes sparkled and danced and she smiled at him. She was actually _smiling_ at him. She tucked a curl of her flaming red hair behind her ear and held his arm. It seemed so real he took his eyes off it for a moment to look beside him and check that she wasn't standing there.

He glanced back and took in the rest of the scene. They were standing together under and arc of Gryffindor red roses, he in dress robes and she in a gorgeous white gown. A wedding. Was that possible? She hated him, right? He'd given up on her... or so he'd told himself. And now this mirror showed him that she'd never left his mind. It startled him.

Lily _had_ been nicer to him lately. He'd moved beyond childish pranks to get her attention, because that only seemed to put more distance between them. Apparently, she'd taken notice. He felt a renewed urge to talk to her. Not flirt or hit on her, but to actually talk to her. What did she really like? What did she dislike? He wanted to know more about her. He felt he genuinely wanted to spend the rest of his life making her smile the way she was smiling in the mirror. The discovery was a little unsettling in its suddenness and intensity. Frankly, it frightened him a little.

_**Could she really be what he wanted most in the entire world?**_

_**A part of him knew it was true. Suddenly, everything else seemed a bit childish. Who cared if he played Quidditch forever? And of course he wanted to keep his friends close, but with mind-blowing clarity he realized that she meant more to him.**_

He realized Peter was staring at him, slightly worried, and he nearly laughed. "It works," he chuckled, "and no tricks."

"What did you see?" Peter asked. "You looked like you'd been hit over the head with a bludger."

"I feel like I was," he muttered, tearing his gaze from the mirror and taking a step back. "Your turn!" he cried as he smirked at his friend.

Peter shuffled his feet nervously. "I dunno." He was obviously uncomfortable.

"I'll step out the door if you want," James offered. It did feel awkward to have someone staring at you while you went on a small journey of self-discovery. When Peter nodded a little, he slipped out quietly.

...

Peter watched James leave with a feeling of relief. He wasn't sure he wanted to look in the mirror at all, much less have someone peering over his shoulder. Surely he would see something boring. He didn't have any big dreams and it would be devastating to know for a fact you had no aspirations. Then again, maybe he'd see something amazing. But even if he did, it would never be something he could achieve. He wasn't as smart as Remus or as talented and popular as James or Sirius. Maybe he should just make something up and pretend he'd looked in.

He wracked his brain for anything at all he could say he'd seen, but came up empty. He'd never been creative with making up stories on the spot like Sirius either, and everything he came up with sounded ridiculous. He couldn't tell his friends he'd chickened out. _Just look in the bloody mirror._

Taking a nervous but steadying breath, he stepped in front of the mirror. He nearly flinched at his own appearance. He was taller, thinner. He looked like... well, like Sirius, only with his own facial features and hair color. He had a lazy smirk on his face that exuded confidence and importance. He was wearing Ministry robes and being presented with an Order of Merlin. There was even a pretty girl on his arm. Peter gaped at the vision, truly seeing everything he wanted to be.

But as he suspected, it was nothing within his grasp. Working at the Ministry and receiving awards? Not likely when he could barely scrape Acceptables in his basic classes. And what would he ever be able to do that would merit him an Order of Merlin? The girl? His skills with women were nonexistent. He could scarcely make friends with people, much less get a girl to like him. It was laughable. All of it.

He sighed and sat down on one of the discarded desks in front of the mirror. Of course his wish would be to change everything about himself. What would people recollect of him when he left school at the end of this year? He'd end up working in some shop on Diagon Alley and people would recall him as 'James' friend' or 'Sirius' friend'. Most people already did. He wanted to be noticed, to do something worthwhile.

He looked at the mirror again. He couldn't really tell his friends what he'd seen. The Ministry job, sure, and the award, maybe. But not the girl, or looking completely different. They'd laugh or look at him like he was pitiful. It was stupid.

_What's stupid about wanting to be remembered? Wanting someone to take notice of you for what _you_ can do, rather than because of your friends?_ He wrestled with it for a moment. It gave him a troubling feeling of resentment toward his friends. They looked down on him a little. Poor Peter, always behind in class or embarrassing himself in front of a girl.

_Stop it, _he chided himself, repressing the unwanted feelings. His friends cared about him. It wasn't their fault that he had difficulty and they'd never been mean to him. On the contrary, they'd taken him in when everyone else treated him like a pest. _But it gets tiring to sit in the shadows of others, doesn't it? Wouldn't it be nice to be the one shining for once?_

He stood and walked away from the mirror, shaking his head of the delusions of grandeur that would surely overtake him if he sat there any longer. He couldn't shake the slight feelings of hurt and bitterness toward his friends, however. They made it look so easy to do impressive things. Quidditch? James was brilliant on a broom, as was Sirius. Peter could barely stay upright. Grades? Remus barely needed to study for anything, though he did so anyway. Peter could spend hours poring over notes and still not recall a thing when the time came. Becoming animagi? It had been all Sirius' idea, and though Peter had mastered it, he'd only done so with a year's worth of intense help from his three friends.

_But they helped! They didn't give up on you or leave you behind._ Many times, he'd suspected they wanted to, but they never had. That was friendship, right? They couldn't help being better at things, they just were.

He let out a long sigh of frustration with himself. More and more often lately, he faced his own jealousy and envy. His friends would without a doubt be the ones to do amazing things in the future, not him. It was maddening to just _know_ you'd never do anything to stand out.

He wanted to do something, anything to be important to someone. Anyone, really. He'd give _anything_ to make a difference in the world.

_Merlin, get over it, get it together and move on, _he scolded should never have looked in that stupid mirror. He shook himself mentally, erasing the image and the cynical emotions that had come with it.

He would make a difference one day, too. After all, they were only seventeen. Who knew what the future held? _One day_, he vowed, _I will do something significant. I will make a difference. I _will_ be remembered. Somehow._

He chuckled at his internal pep-talk and headed out the door to his friends, who were undoubtedly anxiously waiting for him.

_**Whether they outshined him or not, they were his friends. Nothing would change that and he was going to be happy for them, even if they excelled above him. They were his friends. That would never change... Right?**_

...

_**A/N:**_ I hope you enjoyed the story and maybe caught some of my subtle and not-so-subtle references to their futures. Please review and express your opinion (without ugly language if you hated it, plz)!


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